You are the Best
by Matt Callahan
(A police officer walks onstage and patrols about the space for a bit while a couple of street urchins come out onstage from opposite wing and set up a dice game. The children play for a while and adlib their conversation while the officer watches from a distance, probably out in the house somewhere.)
CHILDREN
Yeah!
(The officer approaches the group of kids and stops just a couple feet away.)
OFFICER
Alright kids, I've let you have your fun. Move along now.
(The children continue their cheering and their game as if they had not heard him.)
OFFICER
Children, gambling is illegal. Especially in public. Now move along or I'll have to get serious.
(One kid, the mouth of the group, stands apart from the group while they resume their game and approaches the officer slowly.)
OFFICER
Stay right where you are now, son. Stay back, you're making me nervous now.
MOUTH
We're not doing the public any harm here officer, please let us be.
OFFICER
Who do you think you are, son? You raising your voice to me?
MOUTH
No, officer. I'm peacefully contesting your decision here.
OFFICER
Get back over there with your friends and clean up your shit.
MOUTH
Officer, we're not some rag tag group of ninja thieves or anything. We're poor people trying to make a lot of money fast.
OFFICER
Illegally.
MOUTH
But better then robbing a store or a bank.
OFFICER
You guys been thinking about doing that? What's your name.
(Another young man rises from the group and approaches the two of them downstage. The officer doesn't see him coming or the spray can in his hand. He throws MOUTH the can who sprays the officer in the eyes with it.)
OFFICER
AHHHHHHHHH!!! OH! Oh my God!
(His cries have completely interrupted the action upstage and the rest of the group rise to their feet and turn their attention to the officer. They do not speak though they show obvious concern for the police officer.)
MOUTH
You guys don't agree, huh? Well say something.
(No one says anything except for the officer crying on the ground. He rises to his feet, his face streaming with tears, and swings his baton wildly about the stage trying to hit anything and everything. The MOUTH and his SECOND dodge about to avoid his attacks. The SECOND kicks the officer's baton away and the MOUTH picks it up. He starts hitting it against the ground next to the officer's head with a rhythm that starts to pick up in pace while his SECOND has been beating on the officer since he disarmed him.)
MOUTH
You boys still disagree?!
OFFICER
Boys, boys, why don't you say something! Say something!
(The MOUTH and his SECOND start to beat on the officer with their firsts and the baton. The light focuses on the terror downstage and fades to black slowly while the grim action unfolds.)
BEAT.
(The lights fade back up slowly on actors in silhouette when the officer begins to rise. He reaches for his gun and points it at the group, whereupon they begin to panic and move frantically about the stage so as to avoid being shot. The officer methodically shoots each one dead despite their effort.)
OFFICER
Take that, shitty ending.
END.
by Matt Callahan
(A police officer walks onstage and patrols about the space for a bit while a couple of street urchins come out onstage from opposite wing and set up a dice game. The children play for a while and adlib their conversation while the officer watches from a distance, probably out in the house somewhere.)
CHILDREN
Yeah!
(The officer approaches the group of kids and stops just a couple feet away.)
OFFICER
Alright kids, I've let you have your fun. Move along now.
(The children continue their cheering and their game as if they had not heard him.)
OFFICER
Children, gambling is illegal. Especially in public. Now move along or I'll have to get serious.
(One kid, the mouth of the group, stands apart from the group while they resume their game and approaches the officer slowly.)
OFFICER
Stay right where you are now, son. Stay back, you're making me nervous now.
MOUTH
We're not doing the public any harm here officer, please let us be.
OFFICER
Who do you think you are, son? You raising your voice to me?
MOUTH
No, officer. I'm peacefully contesting your decision here.
OFFICER
Get back over there with your friends and clean up your shit.
MOUTH
Officer, we're not some rag tag group of ninja thieves or anything. We're poor people trying to make a lot of money fast.
OFFICER
Illegally.
MOUTH
But better then robbing a store or a bank.
OFFICER
You guys been thinking about doing that? What's your name.
(Another young man rises from the group and approaches the two of them downstage. The officer doesn't see him coming or the spray can in his hand. He throws MOUTH the can who sprays the officer in the eyes with it.)
OFFICER
AHHHHHHHHH!!! OH! Oh my God!
(His cries have completely interrupted the action upstage and the rest of the group rise to their feet and turn their attention to the officer. They do not speak though they show obvious concern for the police officer.)
MOUTH
You guys don't agree, huh? Well say something.
(No one says anything except for the officer crying on the ground. He rises to his feet, his face streaming with tears, and swings his baton wildly about the stage trying to hit anything and everything. The MOUTH and his SECOND dodge about to avoid his attacks. The SECOND kicks the officer's baton away and the MOUTH picks it up. He starts hitting it against the ground next to the officer's head with a rhythm that starts to pick up in pace while his SECOND has been beating on the officer since he disarmed him.)
MOUTH
You boys still disagree?!
OFFICER
Boys, boys, why don't you say something! Say something!
(The MOUTH and his SECOND start to beat on the officer with their firsts and the baton. The light focuses on the terror downstage and fades to black slowly while the grim action unfolds.)
BEAT.
(The lights fade back up slowly on actors in silhouette when the officer begins to rise. He reaches for his gun and points it at the group, whereupon they begin to panic and move frantically about the stage so as to avoid being shot. The officer methodically shoots each one dead despite their effort.)
OFFICER
Take that, shitty ending.
END.
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